Mental Health: A Family Affair
“Being the “black sheep” of the family has long been considered a bad thing… or the term I prefer, cycle-breakers.”
May 18, 2025
by Sara Jerabek
TL;DR
The “black sheep” of the family is often misunderstood, but they serve an important role as a healer, trailblazer, and cycle-breaker, challenging generational dysfunction.
True cycle-breaking requires deep self-work — including emotional regulation, setting boundaries, and living authentically — which can be lonely but ultimately leads to freedom, joy, and peace.
Family members who resist change often struggle with their own pain, but healing can still ripple outward through patience, boundaries, and by modeling healthy transformation.
Mental health is a family and community affair — and as more individuals heal, they inspire healing within families, neighborhoods, and the broader world.
Being the “black sheep” of the family has long been considered a bad thing. They’re often labeled as crazy, problematic, overly-sensitive, dramatic, or troublemakers. But today, we’re learning that this tumultuous family member serves a true purpose. However, it’s often challenging for the rest of the family to see them for who they truly are: healers, trailblazers, changemakers, or the term I prefer, cycle-breakers.
Susanna Kaysen, in the movie Girl Interrupted, makes a compelling point: it’s easy to scapegoat one person in the family and label them as “crazy.” But the truth is, the chaos surrounding that person is not the problem — it’s a symptom of the actual problem, which is entrenched familial dysfunction most likely as a result of generational trauma.
To allow the black sheep to fulfill their purpose, the family must first recognize that they are here to break the cycles, to challenge old patterns. The black sheep does not accept dysfunction just because “it’s the way it’s always been.” They challenge the family to try something new and, more importantly, to grow and to heal.
Being the black sheep is not easy. It can be confusing, isolating, and deeply challenging. Feeling misunderstood, this family member may act out or withdraw, both as an act of avoidance and a misguided attempt at highlighting their family’s real problems. Before becoming the cycle-breaker, the black sheep usually goes through a period of self-sabotage. This may look like rebellion, isolation, disinterest in family activities or even signs of mental health struggles.
I know this firsthand. As a teen, I fought constantly with my family members, lied when it suited me, and made the kinds of mistakes you’d expect from a rebellious teenager. As a young adult, I threw myself into work and partying, with a bit of schooling on the side. Only now, in what is apparently middle adulthood, have I accepted and committed to my role.
Because I was previously unaware of why I was doing any of the things I was doing — as was my family — I simply appeared to be a problem, someone who required more discipline. But what I really needed from both myself and others, was curiosity.
Curiosity is how the change finally began. Getting curious was a process that took time, focus, and a lot of work in therapy. It started small with noticing my energy levels and hunger cues before working up to noticing my feelings, physical sensations, and my personal stories. Staying curious eventually led me to sobriety, leaving my job, my home, and even the country for some time.
This was my path but there are many others. Whichever ways a black sheep chooses to learn how to feel, regulate their emotions, set boundaries, and live authentically will be worth it in the end. It is through this process that healing can occur, and it is healing that breaks the cycles.
Cycle-breakers have to do the hard work to heal themselves and then often have to watch as others in the family choose to stay the same. That’s frustrating — but it’s important to remember that staying the same is also painful. Before I was ready to change I remained trapped in my own pain. I didn’t know how to get out — and honestly, I wasn’t ready to try. Even when I saw people in my life making positive changes I dismissed them. And later, when I finally chose to heal, I experienced the same dismissiveness, and even disconnection from others.
This can be especially hard for former black sheep. People remember who you were when you were struggling — and they may throw that past back at you when they’re not ready to face their own truth. Healing can affect relationships. They may shift or fade or even break. Boundaries become essential when others can’t or won’t accept your growth.
I look back now and I don’t regret any of my past behaviors or choices, not even the most cringeworthy and shame-filled ones. Some of those choices were foolish, yes — but some of them, while not the smartest, were honestly pretty fun! Avoiding your feelings usually makes for a good story — after the fact. But eventually the fun wears off. And while that version of fun might be over, through this transformation from black sheep to cycle-breaker, the best parts of life truly begin.
If I had been given the choice of whether or not to assume this role, knowing it would start with living life as the black sheep, I might not have chosen it. It’s been infuriating, emotional, and lonely at times. But thankfully it wasn’t a choice.
I can’t witness abuse and pretend it’s something else. I can’t watch people repeat the same painful cycles in their relationships and not wonder why — and how it could be different. I’m a problem-solver and a truth-teller. As I’ve grown I’ve come to cherish my role as cycle-breaker because it has allowed me to grow and experience freedom, joy, authenticity, and peace. To me, it was worth every moment of pain, anguish, and friction that came before it.
So if someone in your family won’t just let things go, constantly speaks their mind, or refuses to accept dysfunction, try getting curious instead of defensive. It is much easier to do things the familiar way, but familiarity is often dysfunction masked as safety. Real change requires honesty, awareness, courage, and self-acceptance. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s always, always worth it.
Mental health is a family affair. A healthy family can provide safety, support, connection, and belonging while creating amazing memories, traditions, and of course, joy. According to the World Health Organization-–in 2019, 970 million people globally were living with a mental disorder, with anxiety and depression the most common. Chronic disease, homelessness, and suicide rates are also on the rise according to the CDC. If we look at these statistics as an overall barometer for global health, we’re in crisis.
But when individuals begin to heal, so does the family as a whole. When families heal, communities follow. Then neighborhoods, cities, and eventually societies. As time goes on, I am hopeful that within each family there will be more and more cycle breakers, and as a result more healing globally.
And to my fellow black sheep, and cycle- breakers, I see you, and I appreciate you. No matter which phase you’re in, your journey matters. It may not be easy, but it is meaningful. And one day, someone you love may just come to you, because they know you’re strong enough to support them through their healing as well.